I struggle to control my weight and feel ok about where I am. A bunch of my friends remarked on how I had lost weight after Christmas, I hadn't noticed but maybe I had. Of course I then tried to look for the evidence. Did my clothes feel looser, had I eaten less, had I taken any more exercise? No, yes and possibly. Of course then I actively wanted to lose some more weight. Slow and steady right but I have the dregs of a bulimic mind. I, of course, get anxious about my food intake, which causes me to want to eat more and to feel out of control anytime I do eat. So I upped my exercise intake, took in more fruit and less refined sugar and started to feel good. Then my skin broke out in spots (could be due to my menstrual cycle but gut feeling says it's not that) and my exercise intake went back down again. But hoorah because I was still eating less refined sugar...until today. A child's party and a buffet full of creamy, oily food along with cake and sweets. I was overwhelmed and desperate to fit in. I ate more than I should from the buffet, devoured a huge piece of cake and some sweets. I then spent time thinking about whether I have been truly restricting or if I just overate. I can't decide which and it has been burning in my mind ever since. This is a day where recovery sucks.
I really do want to be just fit and healthy...and thin. Is it possible for all three to happen?
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